deeply hurt, but staying…
Question:
I think you are doing the right thing.
Response:
> I have sacrificed every relationship with friends and family for this > man. Nobody wants to know me or "us" anymore. They have all told me > to leave but I’ve chosen to stay and help him work this out. I have > given too much of myself to this man to just walk away from him now. > He needs help and I want to make sure he has the support he needs. We > are getting counseling together and separately and are trying to piece > together our marriage and our lives. We still love each other very > much, even after this huge mistake he has made. > Will the pain ever end? I realize the repercussions of my > choices and am willing to face it all for and with my husband.
Your husband made this bed, you’ve chosen to lie in it with him, so only you can be held responsible for your bed sores. The pain will only end when you decide what your limits are, share them with your husband, and live according to those limits. Heidi
Response:
Patsy, thank you for a very moving post. You are a fine woman for trying to do the thing that is best. It seems to me that, in the midst of very difficult circumstances, you at least have something to work with — your husband’s honesty and, it seems, repentance. And you are going about this wisely, with unilateral and bilateral counselling. You are to be commended for hanging in, though everyone in your life seems against it. By doing so, you might be able to work a real healing for both your husband and your marriage, and both might be made *stronger* than before. That is my prayer for you. Blessings, Paul – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Patsy wrote in message <344edfd4.123606…@news.compusmart.ab.ca>… >To make a long story short, hubby had an affair a year and a half ago. >The result is now a six month old son with this other woman. We’ve >been married 8 years. >I knew of the affair as he was having it (it lasted six weeks, >initially). He was with this woman twice more, the last time being in >May of this year, 1997. They had been keeping in touch because of the >child, but hubby had made it clear to her that he would not leave me >for her, even with a child involved. >Even though I knew of the affair, I did not know he had a child with >her, that they had been together after the six week fling or that >they had been keeping in constant contact (letters and phone calls). >He wanted to end things with her, but felt he had to stay in her good >graces so she wouldn’t cause trouble for him, so he had been bowing to >her every command and demand. He finally told me *all* (and I do mean >ALL) on August 30th because he wanted her out of his life. I read all >the letters, saw all the pictures, asked all the questions, got all >the answers from both him and her. I called her myself and talked to >her on the phone for nearly three hours that first day. I have called >her a few times since then, also, but have stopped calling her now >that I have all my answers. I was in shock for nearly a week after >being told and was totally unable to function normally. >Hubby decided he could not live two lives anymore. The emotional >strain nearly drove him to a nervous breakdown. I knew there was >something huge that he was keeping from me and I had asked him time >and again if he would ever tell me what it was. The possibility that >he could have a child "out there" somewhere had crossed my mind from >time to time, but I couldn’t entertain the thought for long. It was >too much for me to handle. I’m infertile. >I have no idea why my husband would choose to cheat on me and put >himself in such a situation as the one we are facing right now. My >vows were my promise to him and I never break my promises. I said >"for better, for worse" and I meant it. I can’t see how things could >get much worse than they are right now. >I have sacrificed every relationship with friends and family for this >man. Nobody wants to know me or "us" anymore. They have all told me >to leave but I’ve chosen to stay and help him work this out. I have >given too much of myself to this man to just walk away from him now. >He needs help and I want to make sure he has the support he needs. We >are getting counseling together and separately and are trying to piece >together our marriage and our lives. We still love each other very >much, even after this huge mistake he has made. >I met the child and his mother, for the first time, on the weekend. I >have to say that it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with >and the pain is still with me. It feels as if my heart is breaking in >two. Will the pain ever end? I realize the repercussions of my >choices and am willing to face it all for and with my husband. I just >had to get it off my chest. This is much too heavy to carry on my own >right now. I was feeling a bit crushed. >__________________________________ >The e-mail addy is fake, so if you would like to respond, please do so >on the group or leave your e-mail address and I’ll get back to you.
Response:
To make a long story short, hubby had an affair a year and a half ago. The result is now a six month old son with this other woman. We’ve been married 8 years. I knew of the affair as he was having it (it lasted six weeks, initially). He was with this woman twice more, the last time being in May of this year, 1997. They had been keeping in touch because of the child, but hubby had made it clear to her that he would not leave me for her, even with a child involved. Even though I knew of the affair, I did not know he had a child with her, that they had been together after the six week fling or that they had been keeping in constant contact (letters and phone calls). He wanted to end things with her, but felt he had to stay in her good graces so she wouldn’t cause trouble for him, so he had been bowing to her every command and demand. He finally told me *all* (and I do mean ALL) on August 30th because he wanted her out of his life. I read all the letters, saw all the pictures, asked all the questions, got all the answers from both him and her. I called her myself and talked to her on the phone for nearly three hours that first day. I have called her a few times since then, also, but have stopped calling her now that I have all my answers. I was in shock for nearly a week after being told and was totally unable to function normally. Hubby decided he could not live two lives anymore. The emotional strain nearly drove him to a nervous breakdown. I knew there was something huge that he was keeping from me and I had asked him time and again if he would ever tell me what it was. The possibility that he could have a child "out there" somewhere had crossed my mind from time to time, but I couldn’t entertain the thought for long. It was too much for me to handle. I’m infertile. I have no idea why my husband would choose to cheat on me and put himself in such a situation as the one we are facing right now. My vows were my promise to him and I never break my promises. I said "for better, for worse" and I meant it. I can’t see how things could get much worse than they are right now. I have sacrificed every relationship with friends and family for this man. Nobody wants to know me or "us" anymore. They have all told me to leave but I’ve chosen to stay and help him work this out. I have given too much of myself to this man to just walk away from him now. He needs help and I want to make sure he has the support he needs. We are getting counseling together and separately and are trying to piece together our marriage and our lives. We still love each other very much, even after this huge mistake he has made. I met the child and his mother, for the first time, on the weekend. I have to say that it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and the pain is still with me. It feels as if my heart is breaking in two. Will the pain ever end? I realize the repercussions of my choices and am willing to face it all for and with my husband. I just had to get it off my chest. This is much too heavy to carry on my own right now. I was feeling a bit crushed. __________________________________ The e-mail addy is fake, so if you would like to respond, please do so on the group or leave your e-mail address and I’ll get back to you.
Response:
Patsy wrote: > I met the child and his mother, for the first time, on the weekend. I > have to say that it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with > and the pain is still with me.
Dear Patsy It’s time to take back what is your’s, and to do this you have to reclaim his mind back to your life together. In one place in the Bible it speaks of how "a woman will suround a man"; the exact term means protect. All sin and transgression begins in the mind, with desire. Weather this other woamn took advantage or your Husbin was just plain looking for an escape from sainity for a wile; first before all their was a opening. Clearly this woman wanted this opening to stay open and she set about making it happen, and now has a wedge into the door to your home with her child. "Nothing that is formed against you shall prosper"; so the question is how to cut her power and take back what is your’s. Justice and truth say’s that he (your husbin) is you portion of all that there is on the earth. Consiquently his child is also, that means you and your husbin have an equal right to maintane equal relations in the life of that child, regardless of her. So take the child 1/2 of the time, as is your equal right to do. The child shouldn’t be deprive of knowing a vertuous woman just because his mother isen’t one. That child was born to your husbin, and that makes the child your’s equally. That child is the only power she has into your home, when she realized her hold emotionaly and sexualy couldn’t break the marriage, she got the a child to secure her access, not quiting but all the more taking liberties with Your Marriage Bed. Well it’s your bed, and the product of your marriage bed belongs to you, as his wife. Take equal rights and equal custody, takes her power in your marriage away. You; do what you have to do, and don’t pitty the girl for her malice for your marriage, or for the love she has for the child she took from your home by taking your husbin from your bed. She made this situation and the natural costs of her stupidity are not your fault. So take the blessing and your portion of the child’s life. It is only reasonable, and right for you to do. So go ahead. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> The e-mail addy is fake, so if you would like to respond, please do so > on the group or leave your e-mail address and I’ll get back to you.
Response:
This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ————–8C43DD35311CDD81E957384D Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Patsy wrote: > To make a long story short, hubby had an affair a year and a half ago. > The result is now a six month old son with this other woman. We’ve > been married 8 years. > <snip rest of post>
Hi Patsy, I am in a similar situation as yours. My husband had two affairs just before and just after we were married; one lasting about six months. One of the women got pregnant several months after he broke up with her, and claimed he was the father, trying to break us up, thinking he would "save" her. What she didn’t know (and *I* didn’t know, either), is that he is sterile (or so he claims, he will be going to the doctor to be tested soon). My husband did not admit to sleeping with either of these women until over a year after the affairs ended. It has been extremely difficult forgiving him, since he basically trashed our vows since day one. We have been going to counselling (off and on), and things are better, but it will be a long time before I can trust him, if ever. I’m also a birthmother, and can understand some of how you’re feeling regarding the loss of (ability to have) children issue, as it relates to your husband’s cheating. If you want to talk to me more, please feel free to email me at: statues…@hotmail.com My other email addresses get full with mailing list posts. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ) ( ) /( sS* s S Mary Block-Baker )-(0^^0)-( S*S*sS*s rad…@juno.com O )/ // ( s*Ss*s*S _| | } (oo) s*Ss*s*SS* "Slaying the Dragon" M_/|_|} oOo ~~ oOo | } Mary’s Home Page of Fun and Excitement / www.geocities.com/capitolhill/2991/mbbpage.html _/ _ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adoption * Hep C * Music * Star Trek * Houston * & More! ————–8C43DD35311CDD81E957384D Content-Type: text/x-vcard; charset=us-ascii; name="vcard.vcf" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Description: Card for Gene and Mary Baker Content-Disposition: attachment; filename="vcard.vcf" begin: vcard fn: Gene and Mary Baker n: Baker;Gene and Mary email;internet: gmba…@swbell.net x-mozilla-cpt: ;0 x-mozilla-html: FALSE end: vcard ————–8C43DD35311CDD81E957384D–
